November 4th, 2008
|03:15 am - My prediction...|
October 27th, 2008
|11:19 pm - For all you trick or treaters...|
How to be Sarah Palin for Halloween
Want to portray the fresh new face of Republican politics - Sarah Palin - on Halloween? Here's how to fashion a Sarah Palin (the candidate) look that will make conservatives and the media alike swoon:
Start with the hair. Think beauty pageant big hair. The hair may be swept into an up-do. If that is beyond your hair styling skills, simply buy a big hair clippie, comb hair into a ponytail, twist, and clip hair with the end of the ponytail pointing upwards. Separate the loose hair into pieces and curl or pin in a pleasing design. Bangs should be straightened and combed over the forehead A half pony or ponytail is also appropriate but the hair at the crown of the head must first be backcombed or ratted before completing the style. Finish with enough hairspray to simulate the look of a helmet that will withstand all the hot air coming from the candidate's running mate.
Find large, rimless eye glasses. The glasses do not need to have prescription lenses in them. Glass lenses will work just fine as the whole point of the glasses is not to improve vision but to make the wearer appear smarter and more serious.
For make-up, once again think beauty pageant. Apply foundation (forgive me!) liberally. You've got a lot of covering up to do! And you may be inexperienced, but you're no spring chicken. (You only look young when standing next to McCain.) Don't skimp on the eyeliner, eye shadow, etc. Outline lips with a lip liner that is darker than the lipstick color so it stands out. (That's not a joke - just something I've observed.)
Your outfit should be a business suit but NOT, I repeat, NOT a pantsuit. You need to highlight the fact that you're a girl since that's the point of your candidacy. High heels are also a must, but the label "conservative" should not apply to your shoes.
Your lapel must feature a flag pin. After all, your party is so much more American than the other party, and that proves it.
October 18th, 2008
|12:17 am - I got an email from Karl Rove.|
Karl Rove to Annie Dodd
Dear MoveOn member,
Time to relax!
Obama is way ahead in the polls. It's time for you to take victory for granted, and to stop paying attention.
And take it from me, Karl Rove: there's definitely no need to spend one more minute making calls to recruit Obama volunteers.
You're probably thinking, "But Karl, why would you—the mastermind behind the stealth get-out-the-vote program that powered George Bush's victories—be advising us not to make phone calls for Obama?"
That's a good question. (And by the way, I prefer "Evil Genius" to "Mastermind.") It's true that voter outreach can tip an election. But hey, Obama's ahead in the polls, and they never lie.
So relax! Do some yoga. Check out the new season of Project Runway. Sip white wine lattes, or whatever it is that you people like to drink.
Barack does not need folks in Chattanooga calling MoveOn members in battleground states to get them out for Obama. So there's finally time to tie-dye the seat covers for your Volvo. In fact, you probably shouldn't even bother to vote.
Please forward this to all of your Democrat friends. Don't send it to Republicans, though.
Thanks in advance for not doing all that you normally do,
P.S. Again—no volunteering! Don't click this link to make a few minutes of calls right now, from home, and give a big boost the Obama campaign!
"White wine lattes" OMG ROFLMAO!!!111 *snort* And btw, Project Runway just ended. Dammit.
October 8th, 2008
October 7th, 2008
|02:36 am - Dear shitbag motherfucker(s) that broke into my car on N. Bellaire Ave in Louisville this evening...|
I wanted to thank you so much for breaking into my car and stealing the GPS system. I really couldn't stand it and that godawful british lady that kept giving me the wrong directions and telling me to get on the interstate when I didn't really want to. Now I have the motivation to go get my brother a new one with all this wad of money I have. Thanks!
Thanks for stealing my Tori Amos and my Molly Maguires cds (the only music I have that calms my baby down in the car). They were starting to skip really bad from overplay. So, thanks to you, I get to find something else for my baby to listen to. Awesome!
Thanks for breaking my window on the drivers side. I love fresh air and now I don't even have to bother putting my window down! Sweet, dude! And thanks for making sure the glass went all over my car so I have something to do with my time. As you could tell from the newborn car seat in the back I live a life of no responsibility and have nothing better to do with my time than spend hours picking glass out of my car. GOSH IT'S SO NICE HAVING SO MUCH FUCKING FREE TIME!
I hope you fucking die.
A Very Disgruntled Sleep Deprived Poor Single Mother Having a Nervous Breakdown at 2:00 in the Fucking Morning
September 5th, 2008
|12:56 am - I'm not religious but...|
Jesus was a "Community Organizer".
Pilot was a "Governor".
Something to think about this week.
September 2nd, 2008
|10:53 pm - One month.|
Molly is one month old today. It's hard to believe it's gone by so fast...
Didn't anyone make her cupcakes to celebrate this joyous occasion?
August 23rd, 2008
July 30th, 2008
|10:15 pm - I made it to my due date!|
July 30th is my original due date. My midwife decided to go with August 5th since I dreamt last summer that would be my due date. I still think giving birth on Obama's birthday would be cooler than doing it on my birthday but that's all up to Junior.
Eight women in my August babies community have already had their babies and it's not even August yet. I'm getting a wee bit nervous.
July 24th, 2008
|07:38 am - Ohmygod.|
X-Files marathon starts in 20 minutes on the Sci-Fi channel.
I guess this means I'm not going back to sleep. Shit.